Sunday night in Sefrou so I went up to my roof sparked up my last Cuban (17Dhs or $2) and made myself a Jamesons and Coke and sat down and watched the dusk drap the city while I contemplated life and relationships. The struggle in my head was breached by the bustle below and the mosque across the road. Cigar finished, drink polished and many things unresolved I found myself sitting in the dark with the city illuminated all around me. The day's warm air had acquired the night chill as I picked myself up and walked down the twisting, narrow stairs to my landing... in the dark I fumbled for my key and thought about the next drink as a pushed the door opened with the back of my hand. Life is playing games with me these days and am I up to the task? My heart can be heavy yet my resolve is steady as it ever has been. I have many friends yet I feel isolated and alone.... is it self-imposed or just my lot in life... I find relief only in my work and art, it centers me and shields me from the drudgery of life. The Peace Corps has not given me what I had thought it might... it has given me more, friends for a lifetime, memories and adventure that few can claim to have tasted. I have come to understand I have an anger in me that I have been carrying for close to five years, I have tried to lay it down a few times but I can never seem to ever fully release my grip on it. I know one day I will drop this mantle of inner rage that I keep hidden for the most part... when, I have no idea. I have asked and thought about how or when I will find away to fill the hole that sits in the center of my soul... I was told by a wise friend that I may never and that it is OK... some loses we are never meant to get over nor should we. I think of my best friend and the lose her sister has endured and I how all these years later she still burns with the same dispair, pain and sadness she must have felt when she heard the news... I understand her, what her heart feels... robbed of a life together. The Cuban was wonderful and the Jamesons has helped a swiya... Night is deep upon me now and work beckons me. This entery was for me
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Cubans and Jamesons
Sunday night in Sefrou so I went up to my roof sparked up my last Cuban (17Dhs or $2) and made myself a Jamesons and Coke and sat down and watched the dusk drap the city while I contemplated life and relationships. The struggle in my head was breached by the bustle below and the mosque across the road. Cigar finished, drink polished and many things unresolved I found myself sitting in the dark with the city illuminated all around me. The day's warm air had acquired the night chill as I picked myself up and walked down the twisting, narrow stairs to my landing... in the dark I fumbled for my key and thought about the next drink as a pushed the door opened with the back of my hand. Life is playing games with me these days and am I up to the task? My heart can be heavy yet my resolve is steady as it ever has been. I have many friends yet I feel isolated and alone.... is it self-imposed or just my lot in life... I find relief only in my work and art, it centers me and shields me from the drudgery of life. The Peace Corps has not given me what I had thought it might... it has given me more, friends for a lifetime, memories and adventure that few can claim to have tasted. I have come to understand I have an anger in me that I have been carrying for close to five years, I have tried to lay it down a few times but I can never seem to ever fully release my grip on it. I know one day I will drop this mantle of inner rage that I keep hidden for the most part... when, I have no idea. I have asked and thought about how or when I will find away to fill the hole that sits in the center of my soul... I was told by a wise friend that I may never and that it is OK... some loses we are never meant to get over nor should we. I think of my best friend and the lose her sister has endured and I how all these years later she still burns with the same dispair, pain and sadness she must have felt when she heard the news... I understand her, what her heart feels... robbed of a life together. The Cuban was wonderful and the Jamesons has helped a swiya... Night is deep upon me now and work beckons me. This entery was for me
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